An award to everyone reading this

I am tagging all of you, this is not one of those cliche awards where you tell me stuff about yourself, where you answer some questions where you blah blah blah. It’s not an award, it’s a plea.

Look, I want to know you. By you I mean you and you are under no compulsion to do this but please it would mean so much to you, yes you yourself, if you would do this:

Write down five (or more) of aesthetics that describe you and then tag people (if you want to) to do the same. By aesthetics I mean things that speak to you , give you them feels, things that you see yourself in things like clouds or rain (or cheese according to one of my friends) anything, but tell me why.

I hate those things on tumblr like “Scorpio aesthetics” *insert random pictures* and never tell you why the actual fuck those pictures mean. So here are my aesthetics hope you like them.

  1. Fire: What are we without fire? Imagine a sky with no stars(literally the stars are balls of fire). Have you seen the sun? Fire is one of the strongest if not the strongest things in the world. That’s why Hell is eternal. I love fire for it’s audacity, for it’s brilliance, for the way it rampages, for the way it calms, for the way it roars, for the way it crackles, for it’s duel nature it’s ability to warm you and deprive you, it’s necessity and it’s risks. You never know with fire. You never know with me.fireeeee.jpgO20070203005614_dscf0232.jpg(Please don’t tell me you thought water could kill fire, you can, with slight knowledge of chemistry. set fire to the rain.)


(That’s a visual representation of my aggression)

2. Lights and light itself: Ok look lights are not fire. Fire is an exothermic reaction, it’s the release of energy. Light is energy. And lights are a form of capturing that energy. Lights on the highway when you pass by on the ride to home, where you’ll be greeted by christmas trees (also lighted). Lights with their melancholia that remind us of the last flickers of hope at midnight. Perhaps not strong enough to bring day, but strong enough to remind us that there will be a day. A ventilator to the hopeless.

Have you ever felt the soft kiss of sunlight,the epiphanies the moon brings, the softness of lanterns, the incandescence of candles? Sometimes when the fire that the universe in me has created seems to be lost within black holes lights guide me home. tumblr_oip9c6dLMu1qk8rzpo2_500.jpg

(Yes, that’s Allepo)

And the lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix me

(Wait, what do you mean those aren’t the lyrics?)

3. Downtowns: Congested, old, new, buzzing with life, fast, sit on the edge and watch the world buzz by. Paradoxes within themselves. A bunch of things in one place.  If my screams and all my anger and all my will to live in the truest sense could be physical things they would be downtowns. The lights at Nathan Phillips, the cars at Saddar, the street cars and the street vendors, the hot-dogs and the hot biryani. Dundas and Saddar. Toronto and Karachi. Home. Where you lose yourself, where you see wonders happening, where you see new things, where the excitement never dulls, where the warmth never ceases, where love happens, where you bump into yourself. Downtown. Where everything happens but nothing truly exists.


4. Ink: Why do I even need to explain this? It spills everywhere and at inconvenient times People judge it so much. It’s a gigantic splat. It’s notes passed n class and poetry read out to a boy who doesn’t know you exist. It’s the art of speaking without speaking. Metaphoric fire.

5.Being drunk: FIRST let’s get one thing straight I have never ever ever gotten drunk and I never ever plan to. Nor am I romanticizing it. But see, I am really blunt, I feel easily addicted to transient things, you know how they drink and drink and lose themselves because themselves is too big a burden that’s me. When I’m happy I’m louder than I should be my expression reveal more than they should my feet tend to dance by themselves I am always drunk on emotions or high on ecstasy fake happiness. Fake peace. Carbon copied on my existence because the fire is out to often and the lights are out and I’m lost in a gigantic place.

6. Red: HOW DID I FORGET RED? Red reminds me of myself because I am extroverted, aggressive, I like attention but I never demand it I aim to be s brilliant as the color red it demands to be looked at, I am loud, un-abashed (and yet it is also the color of embarrassed cheeks on dates..oops). Red encompasses everything from cricket balls to fire to existing to death.

That’s that. I did this because I wanted you to do this. Your sadness, your depression, your struggles do not define you. Most days I feel gray. And I hate it. I am many things, but I am not what I feel. I am what I do. What I believe in. I am what I see. ANd mostly I am what I want to be This is me in truest form. In the form devoid of emptiness and stress and constant guilt. I am not always this. I am not always fire. ( I am Hell). I am not always lights. I feel anxious.

That’s ok. I’m more than that. I hope that’s worth something.







Maya Willlemse








Ok there’s more of you but I am so tird. Please do this if you’re doing this. Tag me.


2 thoughts on “An award to everyone reading this

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